Class the sixteenth: Panic attack, explanation, and apology

I discovered something about myself this summer. I went to Loiusbourg because, hey, I heard good things. And there are nice things to see there, and the exhbit on how Louisbourg came to be is interesting, and all that sort of thing. But it was one of the worst days of my recent life, because I discovered that I suffer from panic attacks.

I am more or less allergic to historical re-enactment.

At the gate, we were stopped by a guard, and forced into conversation. Afterwards, it hurt so much that I had to sit down by the seawall with my head between my legs. The entire day was spent trying to thus avoid people talking old-timey, which is pretty fucking impossible when you are at Louisbourg. I went into another spiral when, at lunch (six bucks for bread and cheese!!), I was informed that "Yes, the King accepts credit cards."

WTF?

It was bad enough sitting next to strangers at communal tables (that's how they did it in the old days) and eating the faux-Acadian crap they serve (I don't eat the vrai-Acadian stuff in the real world, where it's free) because ye old ATM was experiencing difficulties and I had to eat in the restaurant as opposed to prithee-may-I-partake-in-a-bag-of-chips-and-a-diet-coke-nay-with-the-British-threatening-to-attack-we-do-not-take-Interac snack shop next door, but for Jebus's sake, drop the act.

So I suffer from attacks, like my dear departed dad. I can handle weird amounts of pressure (from the committees that the satanic adminstrators sit me on, from chairs, even from the ungrateful students over whose education I sweat), but embarassment, mine or someone else's, I can no longer handle well.

Which explains why I had to sit down. I was actually very close to coming apart completely. It is always awkward when you are in a position of some authority and you make a mistake. It is doubly awful when the students who so rightly laugh when they see that authority blown and the charade busted move from ridicule to embarassment to outright concern.

I am very sorry.

So, learn this, if you learned nothing else last class (which, I know, you didn't): when using equipment, take time to test it first to make sure (a) it's working and (b) you know what you're doing. If I had picked it up even a half hour before everything would have gone fine. I've decided to blame someone else. I haven't picked a victim yet, but I think I will blame the fairies.